This time is different

God told me what to write about. 

I didn't want to write about it. 

So, I didn't. 

I didn't press the keys on my computer to form the words to create the story that  He was beckoning my spirit to compose. I didn't want to be exposed, naked and bare. I didn't want anyone to misjudge me or better yet, I didn't want anyone to know, unless I felt safe: I wanted to control my audience. I wanted to know that my hurt would be treated with tenderness.

I’m not an incredibly private person and I am not good at keeping a lot of secrets, but this part of me was so tender, so delicate, so fragile that it could only be properly handled by those I could trust, so I thought.  So, as God told me to write, share my story, my journey; share me with whoever will listen, I said "no" in my spirit and with my flesh. I didn't write about it. I didn't write about anything for awhile. 

I said "no" to God. That is extremely bold and ridiculous. And even though I knew that then, I still continued to say "no", because saying "yes" was too scary, uncomfortable and unknown. There were too many questions, too many uncertainties and too many opportunities to be hurt—more deeply and intensely. I was already hurting so much, struggling and battling with everything I had; I couldn't possibly risk more. I didn't want to, so I said "no."  But, my spirit was not at peace with stubbornness and my unwillingness to submit and obey. My spirit continued to yearn to honor God, so I began drawing near to God. 

And as I continued seeking God, I was hoping that I misheard Him, I thought: surely I could get away with just writing in my journal, sharing my story in a Bible study or reciting it to those I measured up as being capable to listen without harsh ridicule.  I was so afraid of people and what their minds would think of me.  I was still trying to control it.

But, as I continued to pray and seek God the more evident it became. I began listening to the whisper in the hurricane. The more I drew in to God the more He revealed to me His plan for me to write. He wants the glory for where I am today. I couldn't come up with this plan if I had tried, this was not my dream. I used to believe my dreams were for me and that I could honor God with my dreams. And yes, I know I honored God with my talents, but now I see that my dreams were still about me using the talents He gave me for my glory and honoring God was a byproduct. 

This time is different.

I am using the talents He gave me to honor Him and my blessings are a byproduct of submission and obedience. I had it backwards. I put the dream before God instead of God before the dream. I came up with the ideas and the plans, then I asked God to guide me, instead of asking God to impress the ideas and plans on my heart and then ask for the guidance to walk in His purpose. I wasn't fully operating in the Holy Spirit and I wasn't fully surrendered to God’s will for my life.

 But, this time is different.

I’m surrendering: through the writing I am moving at God's pace for my life and I'm choosing to wait to hear from God and to be led by Him. 

This time is different, this is not MY dream.  

I didn't come up with this on my own and the plan hasn't been fully revealed to me. God knows I like to know the plans. I like to be prepared and alter things as I see appropriate. God knows what He is doing by only revealing it to me a little at a time. He does the same for you. (Jeremiah 21: 11-13)

He knows the plans for us and we don't need to know the details. We simply need to trust Him with it all. And at times, He gives us a glimpse. That glimpse is enough to intimidate us and send me right to back to Him, just where He wants us. 

So for me, this is all about Him. 

This time is different. 

Let's Pray Together: Heavenly Father, I thank you for blessing me to get to where I am today. This is no mistake and it did not catch you by surprise. I thank you for allowing me to continue on this journey of transformation. I thank you for being so tender with my heart. Thank you for beckoning me to draw near to you and thank you for never leaving me. I ask that you will help me to continue  to see you in every area of my life and may I always desire more of you. I pray that you will help me keep my mind, ambitions, goals and dreams in line with you will. In Jesus name, Amen.

Let's Reflect:

Have you ever been in a place in your life where you felt God calling you to do something? How did you respond? Are you in that place right now? What are you saying? What are you doing?

Why do you think God requires our obedience?

Let's "Live Out" Our Faith:  

What are you life goals: write them down. See if you can find scriptures in the Bible that will support your goals. Now submit each of those goals to God and ask Him to reveal to you if they are from Him or from you and to help you to understand  the difference. 

If this blessed you, please share it with a sister.