This life is packed with a lot of opportunities, some good,
some bad and some great. We have a lot of choices and every day, whether we
like it or not we make decisions. There’s something about the process of decision
making that is very intriguing. Some of us weigh what we perceive as all our
options, all the pros and cons and then we decide. Some of us don’t think about
anything or anyone and just decide. While others are somewhere in between, but
we all make choices. So, when I became pregnant with my first born I had a big
choice to make: would I stay home or go back to work?
A lot of women feel like they wish they even had that choice, because the option of staying
home wasn't available, feasible or favorable…or possibly even desirable. And even though our financial comfort zone
was at stake with the decision to stay home or go back to work, I still had a
choice—a decision had to be made.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself to help you understand how difficult this choice became for me:
I’m a very driven, self-motivated and determined person.
I've accomplish quite a bit in my 20 something years on this earth. I had achieved worldly standards of success, I knew how to make goals and achieve goals to reap tangible rewards. I didn't know how or what success could be measured from a stay-at-home mom, I thought surely I must do much, much more. Staying at home with my son
didn't seem like it would get me any set of accolades or trophies to set
on my book shelves. Yet, I knew I wanted to be a mother capable of caring for my family in a fashion that working out-side the home wouldn't allow, so staying at home seemed right for me —but it didn't feel possible.
How exactly could we go from two incomes
to one when we established our financial obligations on two incomes. Hmmm…it
wasn't looking like much of a choice anymore. But, I decided to pray.
I knew that staying at home to raise my child was what my
heart most desired, but I did the math and I still couldn't figure out how it was going to work. It just
didn't add it—it just didn't make sense. So, I decided to pray, a choice I knew was the right one to make.
While I was pregnant with my son I was also in graduate school
working on a Master’s degree in Clinical Counseling, working full-time and
operating my self-established makeup artistry business. I was busy. And for some reason, probably because I had
no idea what life would be like as a mother, I thought I would be able to keep
up the pace after having my son—and maintain my sanity. I thought I would be
able to stay home, be fully present in my marriage, maintain a clean home, cook three elaborate
meals a day,breast feed, play/entertain/engage with my son all while continuing my work on my
Master’s Degree and maintain my makeup artistry business. I knew I wouldn't
maintain my full-time job, but I had plans to continue working in my
business—just slow down a bit. I had a plan in my mind as to what life would be
like. Then, I gave birth to my beautiful son and EVERYTHING changed.
It’s amazing how life is suddenly completely different once
you become a mother. My son was a demanding baby that craved
one-on-one contact and if he wasn't snuggled in our arms, then he wasn't content. I breastfed him for nearly 13 months and it was quite the
bumpy ride, at least for the first couple months. But, I still went back to
school. I was so determined to not give up on MY agenda—MY plan. And even
though, through prayer God provided a way for me to stay home with my son, I
still attempted to load my plate with several unrealistic tasks. I was willing to do whatever necessary to
achieve MY agenda. I wanted it all and I was willing to work for it, but at a
cost.
Come back tomorrow for part two.
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