What did you expect PART 2

We have to decide that we will not and cannot design expectations for anyone and then measure their actions accordingly. Our expectations are a figment of our imaginations. And just as no one can hear our thoughts, they certainly can not hear our unspoken needs & request: expectations. So what are we to do? Does it possibly seem unnatural to spell out in plain language what we need in our relationships? I say, no it is not unnatural, in fact it is crucial to the survival of a healthy relationship.

We do not have to repeatedly spell out our needs at every given moment and opportunity and we must not be solely concerned with our needs being fulfilled. And even in an instance when our needs are not being met, it is imperative that we continue to strive to uncover and meet the needs of the other. Love is not fair. It does not give what the other deserves, instead it gives what the other needs. Sometimes that's forgiveness, compassion, mercy, grace, time, respect or all of the above. Any relationship worth having is a relationship worth preserving. We must preserve our relationships by engaging in on-going healthy communication.

So, maybe the next time you open up and share a piece of yourself be certain to share what you need, whether that be compassion, advice, confidentiality and so on. We all need something and even if we don't know what that something is, we can be honest and say just that too. Maybe we need them to help us figure that something out.  Maybe we just need that person to be present, share the burden with us for a moment, because it is weighing so heavy on us. Sometimes we become so weak and so discouraged that we can't even pray for ourselves and it is in those moments that we must know and trust that we have someone in this world that can help us up when we fall. Someone to help us turn back to God and to remind us to caste all our cares on Him. Someone to remind us that God is faithful and that He will never leave us. Someone to remind us that we are human, we make mistakes and God never stops loving us no matter how many mistakes we make. Someone to remind us that it is all going to be alright. Someone to be there with us as we cry, scream and shout. Someone to listen to us as we shine light on our darkness and to meet us with love and  compassion. Someone to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Someone to say, "I am here for you, I care for you", and to really mean it.

Are you that person for someone?

Has someone been that  person for you?

Have you realized that you set unspoken expectations on someone for reasons such as: they are suppose to know how I feel, they should know how I feel, I shouldn't have to tell them what I need, I've told them before, they know what I need, or anything familiar to this?

All of these statements and ones similar create barriers in our relationships and often initiate the cycle of unmet needs, disappointment and frustrations. Our relationships suffer from the aftermath of the damage that these barriers initiate and we are often left feeling hurt and confused with how to move forward. We may wonder if the person really cares about us, understands us or even worse, if the person loves us. But this does not have to happen as often as it does in many relationships if we would simply engage in on-going healthy communication.

We have to be committed to sharing our needs and to listening to the needs of others. We can not rely on body language, past patterns of behavior or even last year's needs assessment, we must stay current and up-to-date with what we need from one another and how we can provide the needs of others. Sometimes we may discover that our needs and expectations are not suitable or realistic, thus we must communicate how we need to adjust them in a way that both feel satisfied. This is why I emphasize the importance on-going communication. We have to understand that as we grow and experience life what we need in our relationships may and will change, and it is our responsibility to communicate those needs openly and honestly. And we may be unaware of the change until we begin to evaluate how we are experiencing life and that's okay too. The point is we have to be committed to communication. We cannot risk our relationships by engaging in assumptions, unspoken request and expectations and the withholding of ourselves.

You deserve better and so does your relationship.

Is there a relationship in your life that has an unhealed wound from failed expectations?  What are you doing to heal the pain? Have you decided that the relationship deserves better, more open and honest communication?

How do you engage in on-going open, honest and clear communication in your relationships?